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(meteorobs) Monster Movie Guide

With all this talk about the Monolith monster movie, I thought I'd pass this
on to all you Sci-Fi movie goers....enjoy!
George Z.
------

 Horror  Movie  Character  Survival  Guide
 
 1.  When you have killed the monster, NEVER EVER poke it to see if it's 
 really dead.
 
 2.  If you discover your house is built upon an ancient cemetery, had 
 tenants who went mad, or had occupants who performed satanic rituals - 
 MOVE OUT !!
 
 3.  Never read a book on demon-summoning out loud, even as a joke.
 
 4.  Do not search the basement, especially if the electrical power has 
 just gone out.
 
 5.  If your children speak to you in Latin or using a voice other than 
 their own, shoot them immediately.  (NOTE - it will probably take 
 several rounds to kill them, so be prepared!)
 
 6.  When there are several of you, never pair-off or go it alone.
 
 7.  As a general rule, DON'T SOLVE PUZZLES THAT OPEN PORTALS TO HELL.
 
 8.  Never doze off on top of or near a grave, crypt, tomb, or any other 
 house of the dead no matter how tired you are.
 
 9.  If you hear an unearthly noise and decide it's just the wind, 
 you're monster food.
 
 10.  If appliances start operating by themselves, don't stand around 
 just watching them.
 
 11.  If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason 
 - take the hint.
 
 12.  Don't fool with recombinant DNA unless you're sure you know what 
 you're doing !
 
 13.  If you're running from a monster, expect to trip or fall down at 
 least twice.  Also note that even if you're running fast and the 
 monster is barely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to 
 catch up with you when you reach the woods !!
 
 14. If your companions suddenly begin hissing, sniffing for blood, 
 growing body hair, or their eyes begin to glow, do NOT sit down to 
 dinner with them.
 
 15. Stay away from places with names like Amityville, Elm Street, 
 Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
 
 16.  If your car runs out of gas, do not go to the nearby deserted farm 
 to call for help.
 
 17.  Beware of strangers who come to your door with chain saws, staple 
 guns, carving knives, butane torches,  or any device made from deceased 
 companions.
 
 18.  When Fido runs away, you should too !