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(meteorobs) Lyrid/Ursus MAJOR Obs (Humor Alert)04/21 Pocono Plateau PA

It is the custom of meteor observers to document or describe weather
conditions, meteor counts,their experiences  and etc. and report them
back to the group.   For those who know me this report will seem par.

This is my report for last night, April 21 00:15 EDT Pocono Mountains,
Pennsylvania 
 I went out last night to lie on the driveway and watch for Lyrids. It
was below 40 degrees F and I put on my old very large and warm  Army
Arctic coat, complete with furlined hood... the sky was partially
obscured. I had my big beam flashlight(i.e.UFO Signaler), glow-in-the-
dark tridium Army watch,  clip board, and lighted astronaut pen.  Iwas
prepared for some serious meteor counting. The evening ticked on in
silence.  I was motionless and actually getting very comfortable and
must have dozed off.  I awoke to a loud crash just feet away from me...
In my dream
state, I imagined that Esquel's big brother landed in my yard and this
would be how my prayers for the lottery had been answered.   Instead, as
I stared into the dark, I realized I was seriously close to one of our
seriously hungry black bears, Seriously!.  He had turned over my trash
dumpster so he could get a better selection of the contents without
standing up on his haunches.  

Yep! I was looking a the A$$-end of a winter-starved, 300 pounder, who
had not yet become aware of my existence- a mere 3 meters away .  I can
not express it fully -- but if one recalls the early "Alien" movie where
Segourney Weaver was trying not to awaken the alien as she tried to get
into her space suit.... I had that kind of flashback. I lay still and
silent. Infinity zipped by in under 15 seconds as I worked up a plan;
Must me Simple, effective, non aggressive, give him a wide berth.  Got
it!!! I squeezed the button of my flashlight which was aimed beyond the
bear's head into the dumpster.... As best as I can figure, what happened
next was the bear, in  Pennsylvania groundhog fashion, saw his own
shadow and reeled back from the apparition.  As he did, the shadow got
bigger... seeing he was outsized by the "bear" in the dumpster he began
backtracking faster... I am about to become  the first man  on the list
to kiss the butt of a wild bear, unless something happens reaaallll
quickly...... Thank goodness It happens. 

Bruno spins his head and wheels his body to retreat only to look right
into the lens of my light.   He skids
to a stop with the most startled and doomed look on his face.  Bruno, in
his own mind , realizes that he is out numbered.  If bears could curse,
I know what this guy was thinking ..... Bruno is sure he is in for a
serious physical chastisement from the TWO biggest bears he has ever
seen.  I am not a small man and silhouetted in my arctic coat with huge
fur hood.... I know I looked like Nanook of the North.  The next few
nanoseconds were a blur.  Then, getting his legs back under him, Bruno
in disbelief and desperation, scrambles across the road and last I heard
of him he was still breaking branches as he crossed the top of the
mountain.   I did not have to say a word.

Observation terminated due due to loss of interest... and need to change
underwear.  No meteors observed
Sky  and Vision Obscured --
Regards,
Elton Jones
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