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(IAAC) Top 16 Improvements to the Hubble Telescope
[Hope this isn't a repeat... Clear skies! -Lew]
>To: ed@aixdev.kronos.com
>From: top5@lists.zdnet.com
>Priority: normal
>Subject: Top5 - 2/19/97 - Improvements to the Hubble Telescope
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>Date: Wed, 19 Feb 1997 12:39:28 MST
>Sender: ed@aixdev.kronos.com
>
> _____________________________________
> _________| |________
> \ | The Top Five List | /
> \ | www.topfive.com | /
> \ | | /
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> > | www.winsources.com | <
> / | | \
> / | February 19, 1997 | \
> / |_____________________________________| \
> /___________) (__________\
>
>
> The Top 16 Improvements to the Hubble Telescope
>
>
>16> Special 1-hour lenses from Lenscrafters now allow it to see
> really, REALLY, *REALLY* far.
>
>15> SBTS (Shapely Buttocks Targeting System) enhances astronomers'
> lonely evenings.
>
>14> New Super Big Gulp size cup holder and one of those little
> pine tree air fresheners.
>
>13> When pointed toward earth, it can... HEY, YOU!!! IN THE RED
> SHIRT! STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!
>
>12> Bitchin' speaker stacks that blast "We Will Rock You" when
> orbiting over Iraq.
>
>11> Special kaleidoscope attachment for when the acid kicks in.
>
>10> After 3 years and over $50 million of troubleshooting, they
> finally removed the lens cap.
>
> 9> Warning on lens mirror now reads: "OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE
> LIGHTYEARS CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR."
>
> 8> Gigantic Louisville Slugger installed to protect earth against
> asteroids.
>
> 7> "Toy Surprise" built into every new piece, for that day when
> they plummet to Earth.
>
> 6> By focusing huge magnifying glass, scientists can burn ants
> with pinpoint accuracy.
>
> 5> Much improved reception on the All-Alien-Sex channel.
>
> 4> New enhancement lets you record one galaxy while watching
> another.
>
> 3> Corrective lenses have giant mustache and fake nose attached
> for "Groucho" effect.
>
> 2> The new guy in charge of focus and zoom? Larry Flynt.
>
>
> and the Number 1 Improvement to the Hubble Telescope...
>
>
> 1> "Gigantic Impending Earth-Destroying Asteroid" scraped off lens
> and put back in gum wrapper foil; Russians warned about further
> practical jokes.
>
>
> [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
> [ *To forward or repost, please include this section.* ]
> [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com ]
>
>
>Selected from 127 submissions from 45 contributors.
>Today's Top Five List authors are:
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (7th #1)
>Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 2, 10
>Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX -- 3
>Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 4
>Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI -- 5
>Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX -- 6, 8
>Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 6, 15
>Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA -- 6
>Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 6
>R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA -- 7
>Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- 8
>Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 9
>Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 9 (Hall of Famer)
>George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 10
>Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 11
>Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 11
>Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 11
>Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 12, 14
>David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 13, Topic
>Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 14
>Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 16
>Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA -- 16
>Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
>----------------------------------------------------------------
> Today's Runners Up list, "Hubba, Hubba!",
> can be found at our website: http://www.topfive.com
>================================================================
>
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> Ruminations & Ponderances
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> If ignorance is bliss then I must be the
> happiest thingamajigee in the whatchamacallit!
>
> (Thanks to R.M. Weiner)
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